


The Rattlin' Bog

by TeaBagginsFromtheOak



Series: Singing Hobbit Anthology [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Also this might be apart of my new story, Bilbo dances, But also not, Fili and Kili get cultured, I've been listening to Irish Drinking Songs, M/M, One Shot, PWP, Peer Pressure, Plot What Plot, Porn Without Plot, Porn with setting, can you tell, if I can ever get my shit together, this is kind of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 10:49:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20974670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaBagginsFromtheOak/pseuds/TeaBagginsFromtheOak
Summary: Fili and Kili convince Bilbo to show the dwarrow of Erebor a little bit of the Shire culture. At dinner. With a little bit of a flair for the dramatics. The king takes notice.





	The Rattlin' Bog

**Author's Note:**

> I took a lot of inspiration from that scene in Midsommar (if you haven't seen it because it's a horror movie don't worry the dancing seen is sans horror just some good old finnish circle dancing) and from irish table dancing. The title is actually a different Irish song that I also love (it's long but a classic) of the same name. The song in the story is called I'll Tell Me Ma it's by literally everyone, everyone has a cover it's like the irish Hallelujah. I did change a few of the lyrics for story purposes, but it's still basically the same.

“Come on Bilbo, show us.” It was absolutely ridiculous, Bilbo was a respectable Baggins who did no such thing. He would not give in to these two boys who had eyes as round as saucers. They were on either side of him despite their typical placement across from each other at the table as their mother requested to prevent any unnecessary scheming. Today seemed an exception as they both beamed up at Bilbo from their spots next to him. They were acting as if they weren’t the princes of Erebor and one of those princes the heir apparent. They’re mother was watching from a few seats over with a curious side glance. She kept one hand on her drink and the other on the table in need to assert herself into the conversation if her sons got too out of hand. In front of Bilbo, Bifur stared amused at the display.

“Bilbo!” Fili begged. “Just one!” Bilbo attempted to continue eating, but he saw that he was never to be free of their pleading eyes, as hard as he tried ignore them. He looked sidelong to Balin who was also stifling a laugh. The eyes he couldn’t catch were that of the king’s at the head of the long table. They were suspiciously cast down, transfixed on the food in front of him, something particularly interesting in the steamed green beans on his plate. Bilbo wiped his face to cover the blush that was blossoming from the excessive attention he was receiving.

“Bilbo, we don’t get exposed to other cultures, like ever!”

“Don’t you visit the Blue Mountains?”

“Yeah, but we don’t visit the Shire.” They groaned.

“Well, you should.” The boys groaned. They slumped, both sporting identical pouts. Bilbo looked between the two of them. Kili had nearly tears in his eyes. He didn’t know of he was being played or not, but he was always a sucker when the kids started to cry. He took a deep breath, wiping at his mouth. He thought he saw Fili perk up. Bilbo pushed his plate forward and put his napkin on the table.

“I do hope you’re all done.” Fili and Kili nearly leapt out of their seats. They quickly finished the last portions on their plate and with full mouths smiled at Bilbo.

“Done!” Bilbo would have typically admonished their atrocious table manners, but he let it slide this once. After all, they were quite adamant to see Bilbo do a Shire dance. Bilbo took a very deep intake of breath and stood up. Fili and Kili were bristling at the edges. Their excitement was adorable if not misplaced. Before he could regret it he started to sing,

_Tell me ma when I go home_

Nearly all eyes were on him as silence filled the hall minus his singing. He started to stomp his feet rhythmically and soon enough Fili and Kili joined in with him. With his bravery rising as the stomping amplified as more people joined in, he stood up on his chair.

_The boys won’t leave the girls alone_

Now a steady stomping was picking up and a few dwarves began clapping, Bilbo wondered if the boys had started that. He jumped into the middle of the table, a few of the stomping stuttered, but Fili and Kili whooped and hollered in response which seemed to put the rest of the dwarves at ease. Bilbo even saw Balin clapping as he kicked up his feet in the middle of the table, holding onto his suspenders under his coat.

_They pull my hair, they stole my comb_

He was careful with his foot as to avoid people’s plates, but the table in the grand hall was large enough for a dwarf to lay across it and have space to stretch. One of the perks of being the king he guessed. He heard a few instruments try to join in with simple chords.

_But that's all right till I go home _

He spun once making his way down the table. He saw Dis smiling broadly and clapping and stomping along. Fili and Kili were the most excited as they were now standing and cheering, making sure that the clapping and stomping stayed rhythmic.

_He is handsome, he is pretty_

Bilbo avoided his eyes to anyone in particular as he skipped and spun on the table. He began to clap himself. He had captured the entire table with his display. There was barely a soul who didn’t join in on the festivity.

_He is the beau of Bag End, see_

The band was starting to pick up on the chords at this point, although they weren’t Shire instruments they were doing a fine job. Bilbo closed his eyes and he could almost imagine he was at the Party Tree. He made his way down to the end of the table. He stopped to dance for a moment in front of Dis, she was smiling and it made her eyes light up as she clapped in rhythm with everyone else. He put his hands on his hips as he bent over to sing with Dis.

_He is courting one, two, three_

She didn’t know the words, but she was more than to happy to laugh with him as he moved back up, raising his hands up above his head, spinning a few times, his feet keeping up with the tapping. A few of the dwarves had started to pound on the table. He put his hands down, clapping and stomping in time as he moved yet closer to the head of the table. He did a quick turn, leaning down, offering his hand to the head of the table,

_Pray, would you tell me who is he_

He was panting when he held his hand out to Thorin, either from nerves or exertion. His eyes were firmly trained on Bilbo, unreadable from this angle. Bilbo had a hard time not falling forward into Thorin’s lap as the king looked at him with something smoldering just under the surface. Bilbo couldn’t tell if it was anger or some other emotion he hadn’t seen on the king before. Bilbo felt time stop as he locked eyes with Thorin. His expression was too many things at once for Bilbo to focus on. Standing there felt like eternity as his breathing got lodged in his throat. Before Thorin could make a move, someone grabbed his other hand and dragged him back to the center of the table. Kili was laughing and twirling both of them around. He was passed between Fili and Kili as they both joined him in his stomping and rhythmic tapping with his feet. They weren’t as fluid as he was, but the effort was there. More dwarves were openly laughing at the antics of the hobbit and princes of Erebor.

_Moro Burrows says he loves him_

He laughed between Fili and Kili as all three of them kicked up and brought their feet down on the table in sync. Bilbo led them around one more time before jumping off with the other two right next to their mother. Bilbo grabbed her hand and added her to the train. Kili and Fili did a fine job of grabbing dwarves from the table to join in the ring around the table. They all linked arms and danced around the rest of the dwarves stomping and clapping at the table. Bilbo led them around the table, alternating between stomping and spinning in circles with their hands over their head.

_All the boys are fighting for him_  
_Knock at the door and they ring that bell_  
_Oh my true love, are you well_

Bilbo made one more pass around the table, so preoccupied by keeping the train going that he hadn’t noticed that Thorin was no longer sitting at the head of the table. He didn’t let it bother him all that much when he saw the joy on Fili and Kili’s face. Even their mother seemed all much younger as she took her sons arms and joined in the dancing. He just finished leading another around the table when he stopped to throw his hands in the air, spinning around, watching with slatted eyes as everyone followed suit. As he was about to join arms once again with the dwarves on either side of him he was grabbed by the hand and pulled into the hallway, he hadn’t realized they had spread out so much. Before he could even yelp a hand was on his mouth and he was pressed against someone. His heart had it not already been beating as fast as it was from the dancing it would be beating out of his chest now.

“Don’t yell.” The gruff whisper came from behind him, directly in his ear. A shiver ran down his spine. The person still had one hand on his mouth and the other arm around his stomach, fingers fiddling with his belt loops. The hand on his mouth removed itself, but the one around his stomach was firm, but not restrictive. The sound of everyone dancing was still blaring in the dining room. Even if he did yell no one would be able to hear him. Bilbo wasn’t even sure if he should be afraid yet as they had not been rough in the slightest and they felt familiar somehow. True to his word, Bilbo didn’t yell, but he did speak.

“It’s awfully rude to pull the host from their entertainment without acknowledgement to the rest of the guests.” Bilbo wiggled a bit to try and turn around to face his rude companion. If anything it made them grab him tighter. Bilbo was pressed closer to the person behind him, he could see flashes of black out of the corner of his vision and thought it was fur. The hold on his stomach loosened, but was replaced with a hand in his and started to drag him away from the dining hall. As he spun to follow his supposed captor. His heart nearly stopped as he recognized the black coat that trailed behind the dwarf.

“Follow me.” His voice was gruff, strained for some reason. Bilbo followed behind as the king led them down the hall and turned to immediately turn into a room. Bilbo stared at the small room in confusion. It looked like an office of some sort. It didn’t look used and there was only a single torch lit. Bilbo looked around the room for any indication as to why the king would drag him here, away from the party.

“Tho – Your highness, wh –“ He was cut off before he could continue by a pair of strong arms around him. He was absolutely still as Thorin pressed behind him.

“_Amr__âlim__é_. Do you know what you do to me?” Bilbo would be lying if he said anything of the sort. He would also be lying if he said he was entirely unaffected by the display concurrently. Thorin ran his nose along Bilbo’s neck and up to his hear, where his breath tickled and Bilbo couldn’t avoid shivering once more. This time with heat pooling in his body. He blamed his panting on the fact he just finished a strenuous exercise, but he assumed he wasn’t finished with his strenuous activities.

“Your highness – “

“Thorin.”

“Thorin, I don’t know what you mean.” Bilbo thought maybe if he was coy he could get a rise out of Thorin, he wasn’t expecting a literal one.

“Don’t be coy.” Thorin nipped at Bilbo’s ear and Bilbo couldn’t help the yelp that escaped his mouth. “Seeing you standing over me like some heaven sent god.” Bilbo thought it was ironic that Thorin thought of him as the god when Bilbo thought of Thorin a similar all powerful being. “Oh to send away the hall and have you there over the table.” Bilbo barely caught the moan that slipped from his mouth. One of Thorin’s arms was keeping Bilbo firmly pressed against him with his arm around his hips, his free hand trailing Bilbo’s chest, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

“I – “ He couldn’t think, all of his senses were focused on the dwarf behind him, pressing against his back with a force he wasn’t used to. “Thorin.”

“Hm, Bilbo?” He began trailing opened mouth kisses long Bilbo’s neckline and Bilbo felt his legs soften. He felt around for something to hold onto, but all he could find was the dwarf behind him. He grabbed at Thorin’s hips, weaving his fingers through the many loops and pockets. Bilbo let his fingers trace the outline of Thorin’s ass before he held his hands firmly on Thorin’s hips. Thorin carefully rocked against Bilbo, evidence of his desire pressing hotly against his back, the thought making his blood boil with need and head directly south to his own rising interest.

“They’ll notice I’m gone.” Bilbo tried weakly at an excuse. Thorin’s hand ran over his sensitive nipples, making him moan in response. His argument null after that.

“Then we’ll make this quick.” Bilbo shuddered with desire as Thorin stepped forward a bit, Bilbo following until his knees brushed against something. Bilbo opened his eyes to see the desk in front of him, but could barely focus as Thorin made easy work of his trousers and pants. Bilbo was startled at the shock of the cold air around them, but quickly forgot it as Thorin took him in hand and gave slow strokes, his large hand having no issue on Bilbo’s straining erection. Bilbo keened and mewled as Thorin leaned over him, nuzzling his neck and nibbling at his skin. His beard ticked the baby hairs at his nape.

“Thorin.” Bilbo gasped. Thorin’s hand left his dick to reach behind him and grab at his ass. Bilbo panted with the effort to resist sounding like a virgin as Thorin continued his exploration of his rear. Thorin pulled away for a moment to drop his own breeches. There was a small clatter then a thump next to Bilbo as Thorin oiled his fingers and set the oil on the desk. With on hand on Bilbo’s hip and the other hovering at his rim Bilbo strained for more contact. “Please.” He groaned, searching for the release of pressure he needed. Thorin chuckled softly into his hair.

“I’ll take that as to proceed then?”

“Don’t be coy.” Bilbo threw Thorin’s words back at him. He could feel Thorin smile behind him as he slid in to one knuckle. Bilbo gasped and moaned at the contact. Quicker than he anticipated he was eagerly attempting to lower himself onto more than just the one finger Thorin was providing.

“Eager are we?” Thorin pushed farther and Bilbo leaned further into the desk to ease Thorin’s access. Bilbo didn’t have a retort in mind as his senses filled with Thorin. After a moment Thorin was entering two and then after a touch more oil and a few more thrusts another digit was added. Bilbo was desperately grabbing for purchase as he rocked against Thorin’s fingers. Bilbo could feel the heat of their bodies between them as Thorin continued to thrust his fingers at a steady pace. While it was satisfactory, Bilbo was in fact eager. He quickly used the oil next to him to slick up his palm before using the other palm to grab at the desk as he reached behind him and took hold of Thorin’s engorged cock. Thorin stuttered for a moment as the feeling of Bilbo’s small hand lathered his dick with oil and aligned him up with his stretched hole. Thorin grunted with the effort to resist from fucking Bilbo’s hand and finishing on the hobbit’s back. After a moment he removed his fingers and lined his cock up to Bilbo.

Bilbo felt the tip of Thorin’s cock press against his rim just barely before slowly sheathing himself into him. Bilbo let out a low and extended moan as Thorin buried himself in Bilbo, his chest pressed against his back and his ass against his abdomen. It was almost too much, then Thorin started to move. Slowly at first, but Bilbo could tell that the need to quicken his pace was making a new round of sweat break out on the kings chest. Bilbo looked back as best he could to catch a glimpse of Thorin. His mouth slack, his hair sticking to his forehead, his eyes half lidded with desire as they locked on Bilbo’s. Bilbo carefully leaned back to match Thorin’s thrusts. Thorin’s hands flailed briefly as he steadied his feet to take the readjustment from Bilbo, grabbing onto Bilbo’s hips as he began to thrust faster against his hobbit. Bilbo continued to meet Thorin’s thrusts, making the desk they were on creak with the effort to stay upright. Thorin snaked one hand to Bilbo’s neglected cock and began to stroke in time with their thrusts. The new angle hit Bilbo exactly where it needed to and within moments he was spilling himself onto Thorin’s hand. And presumably the desk.

The moan he let out coupled with the stuttering of Thorin’s name was enough to send him over the edge as he came in his hobbit. Bilbo continued slow thrusts to milk Thorin’s own orgasm. Thorin hadn’t realized he had bit down on his hobbit until he had come down from his climax and his nose was buried in Bilbo’s shoulder with his mouth firmly marking the flesh on his collar bone. Thorin kissed the spot, his teeth having left marks. He would have to find something to help Bilbo cover that come tomorrow. Bilbo didn’t seem to mind though as he slump on the desk, his hand searching for Thorin’s at his hip and clasping it in his own. He let out a shuttered breath as Thorin pulled himself out of his hobbit, a trail of seed following his softened cock. Thorin wished he could sit and admire his hobbit, but this wasn’t the time or place for that. He pulled up his pants and found a seemingly unused handkerchief to wipe up Bilbo. Bilbo shivered at Thorin’s ministrations, but whispered a thank you none the less. Once clean Thorin pocketed the handkerchief for disposal in the laundry later as Bilbo pulled up his pants and clipped his suspenders back on. Thorin was straightening his tunic when Bilbo turned to look at him, both of their faces still flushed and Bilbo’s covered in a fine sheen of sweat.

“Go, head back the way we came, I’ll follow to another entrance.” Bilbo was silent as he moved to walked past Thorin. “Oh and one last thing.” Thorin wrapped his arm around Bilbo’s waist, pulling him into him. Bilbo looked shocked as he tipped him back slightly. Thorin closed the distance and pressed his lips firmly to Bilbo’s. Bilbo responded by deepening the kiss and putting his hands in Thorin’s hair. While typically reserved to family, Bilbo thought he would make an exception this one time. Thorin felt himself hardening again and pulled away from Bilbo.

Bilbo stared at the king with lust filled eyes and swollen lips from their kiss. He gave one last quick peck before setting Bilbo upright and setting him out his way. Bilbo attempted to regain some semblance of propriety as he walked the same path to get back to the dining hall. The sounds of the party had died down, but he could tell there was still plenty of people in there. Bilbo ran a hand through his hair before opening the door and slipping in. He saw that a third of the dwarves were remaining at one end of the table and Bilbo slid into the seat, now unoccupied, next to Dis. She didn’t comment outright, but looked at Bilbo with a sideways glance. Her own cheeks rosy, but he assumed from the effects of alcohol and dancing. A moment later Thorin walked in from the south end of the dining hall and resumed his place at the head of the table.

Dis had a keen eye even if the ale affected her gait. She leaned over to Bilbo, her mouth nearly on his ear. “If you wanted a moment to have a quickie with my brother, all you needn’t do is ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> That's that. I hope ya'll enjoyed. I had to change the rating three times because this story wrote itself. Also AO3 please add a time stamp feature so everyone can see when I always update and it's always in the wee hours of the morning. Like a curse. I am working on some other stuff but not promises when it'll get here.


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